In 30 states, children are responsible for caring for their aging parents once they can no longer care for themselves. Everyone is required to care for their aging parents. Yes, you can refuse to care for your elderly parents. However, filial liability laws require children to provide their parents with clothing, food, housing, and medical care.
In the United States, each state has its own laws that require children to care for their aging parents. States don't legally require you to care for an elderly parent. However, consulting with an attorney who specializes in elder law can help you better understand your situation, if you have questions. The model of friendship based on filial obligation does not focus on parents' past favors or sacrifices, but rather on the current relationship between an adult child and his father. It is argued that adult children do not owe their parents anything in the sense of the favors that must be returned.
According to this argument, what adult children owe their parents is based solely on their current relationship, which is ideally one of friendship. What parents have done for their children in the past is considered, from this point of view, to favors distributed voluntarily, which can only be expected to result in a form of friendship, in which support is exchanged based on mutual affection (English 1979; Dixon 199. English distinguishes two types of favors). In the English argument about the friendship model, the favors that are requested represent a debt for the beneficiary and must be returned, for example, if I ask my neighbor to take care of my house during my holidays. But if I don't ask for anything and, in my absence, the neighbor is kind enough to mow my lawn twice a week, it's not a favor I should return, but rather a kindness that can be answered with a favor in return. In the latter case, however, I do it out of pure friendship and not because I owe something to the neighbor.
According to English, parental favors are more like mowing the lawn without being asked to do so. He concludes that adult children have no obligation to their elderly parents, although they may consider doing them a favor in return, if they become friends with them and want to cultivate their friendship. English recognizes that previous sacrifices on the part of parents can play a role in forming friendship between parents and children, but emphasizes the importance of the current relationship. In addition, it emphasizes that the only appropriate motive for providing support, such as friendship, is love and concern for the well-being of the other.
Seen from this point of view, if adult children, unfortunately, have no feelings for their parents, they owe them nothing. As long as friendship exists, friends are supposed to behave with each other in a way that is appropriate for their friendship, which may include exchanging favors to maintain the friendship. But when the friendship ends, the obligation to act like friends ends and favors are no longer due, according to English. However, it is common for older parents to experience feelings of obligation, even if one does not feel friendly with them, as Dixon recognizes (199). To accommodate this sentiment in theory, Dixon expands the argument to such an extent that, in the old days, we may feel indebted to those who are no longer our friends, although not as much as to our current friends.2 (Dixon 199).
If you're leaving your parents, you may have made enough care preparations, but you still feel like you're abandoning your loved one. It is also possible that one benefits from continuing the relationship because caring for others can make one a better person, as one anonymous reviewer suggested to us. While assisted living may be more expensive than home care, it can be a cost-effective option for older people who require a higher level of care and supervision, but don't need the intensive medical care provided in a nursing home. If you feel bad about leaving the position of caregiver, remember that it's not in the best interest of you or your parents. It would be unfair for some people to have to take on large care tasks, depriving them of many other opportunities in life.
But what if someone doesn't see the point of continuing the relationship, not because the relationship is harmful, but because it doesn't bring them anything they consider valuable? It's hard to understand how it would be necessary to continue the relationship in that case, without paternalistically imposing our family values on others, or without referring to something like reciprocity, gratitude or vulnerability. To manage these expenses, it's important to explore all available options, including government assistance programs, long-term care insurance, and support services for family caregivers. You can also consult with an attorney who specializes in elder law to better understand your legal obligations and the potential consequences under California's subsidiary liability laws. A theory of friendship does not provide a correct parallel for the relationship between an adult child and an aging parent.
Carefully evaluating your parents' care requirements, researching available options, and exploring government assistance programs, such as Medi-Cal, can help you make an informed decision that balances quality of care with affordability. Under CDPAP, your parents can choose you or another family member as their caregiver, and Medicaid will pay you for the care you provide. This agreement can help alleviate some of the financial burden associated with providing care while ensuring that your parents receive the care of a trusted family member. Understanding home health care can help you determine if this option is right for your parents' needs.
To participate in CDPAP, your parents must be eligible for Medi-Cal, need help with activities of daily living, and be able to direct their own care or have a designated representative to do so in his name.
