Offer compassion if you can't be a caregiver. Being overwhelmed is a sign that this isn't the best arrangement for you or your parents. When you have made the decision to stop being a caregiver, it's important that your care for the elderly is organized in a way that doesn't leave them out of work. Organize a meeting with family and friends who are interested in caring for the person.
Explain why you should stop providing care. Ask if someone can take over the work or if some people might share the responsibilities. If no one is willing, talk about the other options that might be available. One option is to use home care. Home care providers can schedule an appointment to go to the older adult's home as often as necessary and at any time of the day. They could simply fill in the gaps in the care schedule for the elderly when family caregivers aren't available, or they can take care of the task full time.
If you're experiencing severe stress and depression, seek medical attention. Stress and depression are treatable conditions that can worsen when the caregiver is exhausted. Once you've talked about your desire to change caregivers, you may, as a family, decide that your aging loved one needs more help than you or your brothers can provide it to you. Many family caregivers end up feeling isolated, alone, and exhausted while caring for their aging parents.
In addition, ceasing to be a caregiver doesn't have to mean that you're excluding the elderly person from your life. Caregiver burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that can occur when you spend time and energy caring for the health and safety of another person. Even for people who love to care for an older family member, circumstances sometimes change and make it impossible to continue in the position. Maybe your parents need a part-time home caregiver or 24-hour care at an assisted living facility, or maybe you just need more support from your siblings during the week.
Other times, being a caregiver can affect both physical and emotional health so much that it's in the best interest of both the caregiver and the person they care for to move on. You can schedule a temporary care program to take a break from providing care for a few hours, a few days, or several weeks. If you feel bad about stopping being a caregiver, remember that it's not the best thing for you or your parents. Adult children have no legal obligation to be the primary caregivers of older family members, but many feel a moral and ethical obligation to physically care for their parents.
It's important to know the signs and symptoms of caregiver burnout so you can get the help you need when you need it most. A place for mom can help you learn more about alternative care, such as assisted living, nursing homes, and memory care. When caregivers set boundaries too late or change rules, they often feel exhausted, alone, inadequate, or resentful. You may delay preventive checkups with your healthcare provider or, even worse, delay treatment needed for a chronic medical condition because of your responsibilities as a caregiver.
